Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober