I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
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I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.