Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
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You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.