I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.