his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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