You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
