I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
