hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
