wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
