just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
