This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
