That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
