Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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