my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
