Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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