It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
