Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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