I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
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Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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