So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
