My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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