I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
