did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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