i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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