Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
they're like a gay fantastic four
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
