Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
