I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
