so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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