So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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