I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
