i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
