I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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