Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
