So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
