I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
