Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
