you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
