planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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