I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
