I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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