haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
