Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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