This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
