alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
