Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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