I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
