i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
