I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize