i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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