I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
