Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
