He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
