You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have aggressive nipples.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
