The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think my vagina is haunted
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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