Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
