I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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