Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
