You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need a burrito and a hug.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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