theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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