The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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