We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
