im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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