I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
