After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
