I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
