Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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