Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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