This is not my ceiling
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize