True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
