he wants to bone in the snuggie
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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