On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
