He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
