allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
