I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
