just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
