It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
