Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
