After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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