R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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