The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
