My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
